ive been really bothered lately and the truth is because i dont write anymore. for those who didnt know, i used to write and rhyme and spit and record and all that stuff. i even used to perform with my friends. the fact that im embarrassed about talking about it tells me something. i used to be so confident about it. i used to take pride and it what i did. i didnt sound generic talking about what you hear in the radio. didnt rhyme about money women or violence. the main topic i use to address was love.
now im not saying i was the best ever, but i never used to think i sucked. honestly i was my hardest critic. i was never satisfied with what i wrote or how it came out even after hours of editing. i gladly used to broadcast that a new song was up and ask for feedback. i even used to advertise in random chatrooms at night and sending people links to our music myspace.
my band had a couple of fans and people liked what they heard and it was encouraging. and for those who thought i had no place rapping, i used to thrive off it and want to prove them wrong.
i used to spend a lot of my time with a pen and my rhyme book. where ever i was in school id always make sure to care it around just incase a random bar would pop into my head.
gone are those days though. for some reason im scared to write. i just cant get myself to do it anymore. im afraid people think i suck or tell me something negative. i feel like im not good enough. i feel like i have nothing to say, that its pointless to even say anything.
but i dont even listen to music as much as i used to. my love for hip-hop has dwindled and maybe the reason i no longer write. i just think its a shame that its come to this, because quite frankly…
“The best prank I ever pulled was I told a guy that—five years from now—I’m gonna give you my show. And then when the five years came, I gave it to him, and then I took it back almost instantly.”— -Jimmy Kimmel[Asked by Leno what the best prank he ever pulled was]